He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
its not stalking. its research.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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