I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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