i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
