Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
