ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
