I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
