my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
