Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
