Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
