I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
