I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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