I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
