He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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