I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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