Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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