He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
