can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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