Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
