there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
