Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
