Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
