Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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