If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize