As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
