Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
