Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
