Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
