Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
