i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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