one two three fourrrrnication!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
