Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
