Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
