I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
