I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize