well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
