Do you still have your period?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
