Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
