oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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