just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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