I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
