we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
