Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
