it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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