I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
