That's when you crack a 10am beer
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
