i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
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Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad