She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.