like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?