My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
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Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend