Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.