I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
