Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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