Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
