I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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