So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
