Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
