if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
