I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
