wrigley field is MILF paradise
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
